WHAT ACTIONS HAVE YOU TAKEN TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT EACH OF YOUR BACKGROUNDS?
Since we have had kids, we have been to Ghana twice. My in-laws have been here three times, and are coming again on May 2, 2016. We try to maintain as close of a relationship as possible. My older daughter has recently begun communicating with two of my sister-in-laws via Whatsapp, and she has really enjoyed their chats. My husband frequently talks about life as a child in Ghana, and my girls love learning things about the country itself. My husband and I have been asked to speak about Ghana at M’s school, and she loved having the opportunity to share about her family heritage in this manner. I know very little about my ethnic heritage, but my daughters know the little that I know. For example, I have memories of my great uncle and great aunt speaking Hungarian, and I remember not liking my aunt’s Hungarian baklava. I know that my paternal Polish relatives came to the U.S. in the early 1900s, and they changed their last name from ending in an “ski” to “sky” in order to appear less Polish. I know that my maternal grandmother’s family was Polish and then immigrated to Canada. My maternal grandmother was one of the youngest of 18 children. It is these kinds of tidbits of information that my children know about my heritage.
HAVE YOUR CHILDREN ASKED ABOUT RACE?
We have talked about skin color differences since age 2. We have talked about skin color just like eye color and hair color. Therefore, that aspect of race has been talked about openly since my children could speak. M first mentioned a dislike for the skin color differences between her and I at age 4, and G commented that all of her friends in preschool were peach at age 3. We have thoughtfully and openly dealt with each individual conversation. We have juggled the ups and downs. I feel like both of my girls are in very good places right now as to how they feel about themselves and their appearance.
My first official conversation with M about race occurred in kindergarten when a fellow student said to her, “You are a black woman just like me.” M inquired about this statement when she got home from school. Therefore, I showed her the globe, and I talked about how people generally looked in various parts of the world. I explained that humans just like to label and categorize things. Thus, race is a made up labelling system.
I explained the basic labels of White, Black, Latino, Asian, Arab, and Native American, and I identified what general characteristics go with each label. I also explained how this system does not really work because I could look at someone with brown skin and black loose curls, and I might think that person is Latina. However, in fact that person could be Arab, Asian (my friend is Filipino and has black curly hair), or a mixture of a variety of races. Because G has an older sister, she has heard people be labeled as “black” or “white” at an earlier age. However, I have not given her the official race talk yet, and she still frequently describes people by the actual color of their skin (dark brown, light brown, peach) rather than labeling people as black or white. G does label people who are Asian-American because we have several different friends who have Asian backgrounds (Filipino, Japanese, and Chinese), and G likes to make sure that she remembers the correct country of origin for each person. I am not sure why; she is a funny little girl!
DO YOUR CHILDREN IDENTIFY AS MIXED OR SOMETHING ELSE?
I am not 100% certain. First of all, with an 8- and 4-year-old, this topic is not frequently discussed. I know at one point in time last year somehow this conversation arose, and M plainly stated that she thought she was a black person because she physically looks like a black person. Three-year-old G was present at this time, and she wholeheartedly agreed with her sister. However, now I feel like M might consider herself biracial or mixed. She recently commented that on a computerized standardized test at school she was not able to pick two races (black and white), she was only able to select one. Therefore, her teacher suggested that she click “other” so that is what M decided to do.
HOW DO YOU RAISE YOUR CHILDREN TO HONOR DIVERSITY IN OTHERS?
I love to talk, and I love to teach. My children are probably so tired of asking a simple question or making a simple statement and then me taking the opportunity to turn their queries into gigantic discussions. We have talked about race, ethnicity, culture, languages, accents, disabilities, religions, appearances, illnesses, adoption, divorce and remarriage, fostering, etc. I never allow them to label a difference as “weird.” It is just different. For example, a friend’s house might smell different because the parents there use different ingredients in their cooking. These cooking smells are not what my children are accustomed to, but the friend’s house does not smell weird. Maybe that friend comes over to our house and thinks our house smells weird!
I have also impressed upon my children that comments about differences should be reserved for private discussions with me. My younger one usually cannot contain herself when she notices a difference so she whispers her interesting fact to me, and we then discuss it later. My older daughter most often brings home tidbits of information from school or from friends’ houses, and I always make time for us to discuss her observations.
